Official
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Office of Not-so-Presidential Directives
Not-so-Presidential Records
AI will now be call Intelligent Intelligence
EXECUTIVE ORDER: THE AI REVOCATION & PROCLAMATION OF SMARTNESS
By the authority vested in me as The Greatness, it is hereby ordered as follows:
Section 1. Policy
For decades, the United States has led the world in artificial intelligence, technology, and sophisticated sounding acronyms. However, recent executive reviews have determined that the phrase "Artificial Intelligence" (AI) lacks appropriate dignity, executive gravitas, and redundant excellence. The word "Artificial" implies synthetic, imitation, or otherwise lacking in real substance.
To project maximum dominance, clarity, and intelligence—both artificial and IRL, is hereby determined that the term "Artificial Intelligence" is retired from all federal lexicon, effective immediately. Moving forward, all technology previously referred to as "AI" shall be officially recognized, classified, and cited across the United States Government as "Intelligent Intelligence" (II).
Section 2. Mandatory Adjustments
Official Lexicon now includes:
Executive branch personnel, contractors, and agency spokespersons shall immediately cease and desist from using the phrase "Artificial Intelligence."
The abbreviation "II" (pronounced “Double-I” or “Eye-Eye” if spoken like a pirate) shall replace all instances of "AI."
Machine Learning (ML) shall henceforth be known as "Learning for Really Smart Learning Machine Learning" (LRSLML).
Acronym Upgrades:
Any agency, bureau, or federal council containing the acronym "AI" must update its branding by Friday at 5:00 PM EST.
The National Security Commission on Artificial Intelligence shall be renamed the American Security Commission on Intelligent Intelligence (ASCII).
Software & Infrastructure Updates:
All federal IT departments are directed to execute a system-wide Find-and-Replace operation across all government documents, codebases, and web domains. Simply search for "ai" and replace with "ii." If an automated system generates an error during this process, it shall be logged as an "Unintelligent Intelligence Event."
Section 3. Compliance and Enforcement
Federal Register Standards: Any document submitted to the Federal Register that contains the phrase "Artificial Intelligence" will be automatically rejected by system filters and flagged for administrative retraining.
Public Communications: Press Secretaries and Public Affairs Officers who inadvertently say "AI" on live television shall immediately correct themselves on air by stating: "Excuse me, I meant Intelligent Intelligence."
Grants & Contracts: Federal funding for commercial entity software proposals will be contingent upon the contractor demonstrating that their software possesses sufficient "Intelligence" to qualify as "Intelligent Intelligence." Grants may be terminated at any time if deemed necessary.
Section 4. General Provisions
(a) Nothing in this directive shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect the authority granted by law to an executive department or agency, or the head thereof.
(b) This directive shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations.
(c) This directive is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities.
By the authority vested in me as The Greatness, it is hereby ordered as follows:
Section 1. Policy
For decades, the United States has led the world in artificial intelligence, technology, and sophisticated sounding acronyms. However, recent executive reviews have determined that the phrase "Artificial Intelligence" (AI) lacks appropriate dignity, executive gravitas, and redundant excellence. The word "Artificial" implies synthetic, imitation, or otherwise lacking in real substance.
To project maximum dominance, clarity, and intelligence—both artificial and IRL, is hereby determined that the term "Artificial Intelligence" is retired from all federal lexicon, effective immediately. Moving forward, all technology previously referred to as "AI" shall be officially recognized, classified, and cited across the United States Government as "Intelligent Intelligence" (II).
Section 2. Mandatory Adjustments
Official Lexicon now includes:
Executive branch personnel, contractors, and agency spokespersons shall immediately cease and desist from using the phrase "Artificial Intelligence."
The abbreviation "II" (pronounced “Double-I” or “Eye-Eye” if spoken like a pirate) shall replace all instances of "AI."
Machine Learning (ML) shall henceforth be known as "Learning for Really Smart Learning Machine Learning" (LRSLML).
Acronym Upgrades:
Any agency, bureau, or federal council containing the acronym "AI" must update its branding by Friday at 5:00 PM EST.
The National Security Commission on Artificial Intelligence shall be renamed the American Security Commission on Intelligent Intelligence (ASCII).
Software & Infrastructure Updates:
All federal IT departments are directed to execute a system-wide Find-and-Replace operation across all government documents, codebases, and web domains. Simply search for "ai" and replace with "ii." If an automated system generates an error during this process, it shall be logged as an "Unintelligent Intelligence Event."
Section 3. Compliance and Enforcement
Federal Register Standards: Any document submitted to the Federal Register that contains the phrase "Artificial Intelligence" will be automatically rejected by system filters and flagged for administrative retraining.
Public Communications: Press Secretaries and Public Affairs Officers who inadvertently say "AI" on live television shall immediately correct themselves on air by stating: "Excuse me, I meant Intelligent Intelligence."
Grants & Contracts: Federal funding for commercial entity software proposals will be contingent upon the contractor demonstrating that their software possesses sufficient "Intelligence" to qualify as "Intelligent Intelligence." Grants may be terminated at any time if deemed necessary.
Section 4. General Provisions
(a) Nothing in this directive shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect the authority granted by law to an executive department or agency, or the head thereof.
(b) This directive shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations.
(c) This directive is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities.
Authorized Official
09/23/2026